While still serving full-time, he has been working with his loving mission president and a psychologist who is located in the Area Office of the Church to try to see if he can get through the fog. The love and support that has been available to him has been amazing! However, the internal battle between wanting to serve his mission until the end and to return home early to address these issues has been somewhat overwhelming for him. Although it would probably take, at best, an additional month to start to see the fog lift; it has proven to be a too arduous of a climb for him to continue and has decided to temporary delay finishing his mission at this time.
I'm not too sure how best to describe the vast array of feelings and emotions I have experienced as I have come to understand the trial Elder Wright has had before him; I don't think I quite appreciated the magnitude until now as we have never really dealt with the level of despondency and angst like this before. I had wrestled over questions like: How do I encourage him to continue when my heart yearns for him to be home? How do I encourage him to come home when I know he may be faced with a new road of challenges here and all the blessings and personal growth he will surely miss? I don't think there has ever been a moment in my life that I have felt so unsure and have been so torn between opposing thoughts than I have in these past few weeks. I have now come to learn that this was because it was not my decision to make... while I could provide him fatherly guidance and counsel, it was ultimately up to him and his Heavenly Father to make. I know that he had spent much time on his knees searching for direction and assurance to know what he should do, and I'm comforted greatly by this.
Of one thing I have been certain; like my love for him will always be there, I know his Heavenly Father's love is also unchanging. There is no one that knows Elder Wright better than He. With his decision today, I am in awe with a great feeling of peace that has radiated within our home knowing that he will be fine and that his choice to return at this time was one that didn't come easy and that it was the right one for him.
While I have turned to much prayer and fasting to give Elder Wright the strength he might need to make the tough decisions, I have turned to the scriptures and conference talks to help me find answers. Recently, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the LDS Church's Quorum of Twelve Apostles gave a wonderful talk on how we could best respond those we love who are confronted with mental and emotional. I have also found comfort in his words and they have given me strength to share my thoughts and feelings with you about his trials.Of one thing I have been certain; like my love for him will always be there, I know his Heavenly Father's love is also unchanging. There is no one that knows Elder Wright better than He. With his decision today, I am in awe with a great feeling of peace that has radiated within our home knowing that he will be fine and that his choice to return at this time was one that didn't come easy and that it was the right one for him.
"These afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them then in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor," Elder Holland - October 2013 General Conference.
Often we hear of the missionary that is injured or becomes physically ill who must return home to receive the care he or she needs. It's easy to share these stories because, perhaps for most, it doesn't require much effort to wrap our minds around this and accept these wonderful missionaries as wounded soldiers back from the battlefield. However, for the parents of those valiant missionaries that have been afflicted with the debilitative aspects of depression and anxiety it isn't quite as simple or straightforward. For most we might thoughtlessly expect that if they would square-up and face the difficult challenges of missionary work head-on and have positive attitude that they could see it through; or, if they would just put their shoulder-to-the-wheel and push through it they will make it! For the depressed, it doesn't work that way.
I pray that as his fog lifts that he will remember the love he felt from his Heavenly Father when he made this decision to come home and that no feelings of doubt or regret will ever find room to creep in. As a truly concerned father, my heart is full of love and gratitude while my mind is overflowing with positive thoughts and hope. We are so very fortunate and grateful to live in such a wonderful neighborhood filled with so many loving people that certainly will embrace and uplift him in a way no others could; many have already expressed so much of their concern and affection that we have felt brightened.
We are anxious for his prompt return and are excited to be able to hold him in our arms again and welcome him home from a job well done!
I pray that as his fog lifts that he will remember the love he felt from his Heavenly Father when he made this decision to come home and that no feelings of doubt or regret will ever find room to creep in. As a truly concerned father, my heart is full of love and gratitude while my mind is overflowing with positive thoughts and hope. We are so very fortunate and grateful to live in such a wonderful neighborhood filled with so many loving people that certainly will embrace and uplift him in a way no others could; many have already expressed so much of their concern and affection that we have felt brightened.
We are anxious for his prompt return and are excited to be able to hold him in our arms again and welcome him home from a job well done!
